Letting go…

Even the slightest idea of letting go was so hurtful to me that I thought the act of letting go would kill me, but time made me strong and now I am here writing about how i let go of him, which things made me leave him completely and how can I survive after him…

• He was the soul of the party and I, well I was just a girl… you can say a geek, who fell for the wrong guy and fell so hard that it hurts to make a comeback to reality, that he was never hers.
• He used to say flirt with her on daily basis and told her that he cares for her the most in the entire world but when she told him that she had fallen for him head  over heels, he rejected her, telling her that he cannot be in love because the L word has given him so much pain in the past that he still loved his ex and cannot get over her.
• I read somewhere love is there where you are happy where both of the parties are in deep eternal joy, but in my case there is no joy but only hurt…
• Then one day out of nowhere he came to her house in the night, and she was innocent, they kissed, once, twice…. God I can’t even remember how many times after that and poor girl thought he was in love with her but no, he was using it as a trick to get over his freaking past.
• She felt used…used by someone who told her that he cared about her alot…
• and now she is never going to fall in love ever again because it hurts
• she has closed her doors for every stranger because she thinks everyone is selfish and she doesn’t wanna be betrayed again…

The Real Me

We take time to trust someone purely, and when the trust is completely built you come to know about the best person in your life to whom you can tell anything, anytime, who will reply to you when you need that person the most, I hate those movies which tell that you need some kind of hero to fill your inner alone space, I was a kind of girl who wondered what love was, she was innocent much innocent, knowing only the there is less darkness around. We are actually growing in the specific time period of our lives, my lifesaver was my heartbreaker because somebody else broke his heart, he never tried to find out who I am, just looking up to the alphabets of my name doesn’t give any peeking into my inner soul, I guess if he even very little tried to look into my heart he would never have told me that he isn’t over his past. I guess I’m just the one mad here thinking that this is the only refuge which I can take, I tried not to do anything stupid, but he told me he is not into long term relationships , that he has his eyes for dumb girls, I can’t understand why can’t he get over his past where on the other hand I am more madly in love with him then he can ever be with any one and I am trying to get over him by doing this stupid writing. How can his ex be like this, I can understand that he is handsome and girls are like crazy after him but If I was the one he loved I’d never cared what he thinks about the other girls and if he is sincere  with me or not, because at the end of the day the only thing which would have mattered was his love.

The real me is strong, the real me is beautiful, she is confident enough to take the right step in her life, she likes him more than any other man in this entire world, she is sad and gloomy too, she just wants him to be happy and she behaves slightly weird in front of him because she gets nervous, she is a little stupid but she is funny, she misses him , she is good she is kind all she ever wanted was him , but I don’t think he’ll ever find who she really was…

We

We are happy,

We are sad,

Even when we are mad,

We need one, who cares…

Time is bad,

And relations weak,

Mind is mad,

And heart concrete,

I wish for it all to end,

But time will not take such a bend.

The Way

The way he smiles, so much cheery yet equally naughty, surprisingly arousing, makes your heart full of love for him, his smile make you do things you don’t want to do in reality, fill your boring day with full of glitter around.

The way he looks right at you, one glare is enough to sweep you off your feet, those eyes, they are small, glaring at you, full of darkness inside, little bit sad but aiming for something sinister, dangerous.

The way he smells, mineral like, not even a single percent of synthetics, self made his own aroma, his own sweet odor makes you wanna go mad after him

The way he talks, slow voice smoldering accent, melting in your ears, you hear his voice and that’s all you think you really ever wanted in your life, that sleepy accent makes you actually inevitably in love with him.

The way he becomes serious, the way his features go from sweet, soft to sternness , the way he talks in his eternal seriousness, the way he forbids you from things you want to do but he don’t want you to do

The way he kisses you, with his hands on your body, the way you melt in his arms, in his firm body…..  you always want to stay there, the way he pushes his hand underneath the cloth of your dress, the touch of his skin on your body, gives electrical sparks all around, the way his lips brush against your lips, longing for more. Never ever quenching their thirst

The way he says no, his way of forbidding you makes u want to do bad things to him

The way he has never said anything romantic to u ever in your entire life

The way he can never be with you

The way he loves some other girl

The way he makes you feel lonely all by your self

The way you thought that he will listen to u but you were wrong

The way you are left all alone

The way you’ve got nobody

The way you will be alone

The way love is difficult. . . .

The Blind Side of Everything

Sitting here thinking about what to write, I am confused, regretful, punishing myself for the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life, which was of giving someone a space which that person never deserved in the first place. A part of me, I must say the major part of me never liked that person that part of me always considered that person the biggest looser and douche bag but the other smaller part of me liked him more than any other person in this entire universe…..and this part always made me do such things which I always regretted. Those mistakes were bad but the sweetest mistakes I could ever make. I am in my late teens, having experienced world’s most amazing feelings in eighteenth year of my life which were of course short lived. I wanted to live my life according to the Mantra that if you want to be happy nothing can make you sad except if God has written something  bad in your fate then you can do nothing, and living life according to this simple rule made my life an example for others, I had achieved so much in my life at such a little age that other girls of my age were envy of me, after all it was all because of prayers of my parents and my grandparents who told me this golden rule to live life. But things change when you are given something, God puts you through an examination and I guess I failed very badly in that exam.
                      Hardships come and go and when you are through to the exams there comes a time of relief when you can analyze yourself. I always thought that I have seen worst in my life but then I saw many other people ailing, they were not in a very good condition as I was and then I found out that there are many sides of life, you go through every possible conditions to see all aspects of life and in the same way there are many sides of people….. People you love, people you hate, people you adore, people you are jealous of, people you consider as friends, people you are afraid of, people you never want to lose. And of these sides is the side which only the people themselves are aware of, according to me it’s their personal side and that’s what you call the BLIND SIDE.